Thinking

Daily Babble
I can’t think of any any thing to say what HAS HAPPENED TO ALL MY IDEAS NOTHING AT ALL COMES TO MIND HOW FRUSTRATING WHEN I’VE YEARNED FOR FREE TIME TO WRITE AND PAINT AND NOW ALL I WANT TO DO IS TO GARDEN AND O F COURSE IT IS POURING WITH RAIN> and I have just typed all this in capitals but what can I write my mind is well and truly void.
So many stories are about love and that is the last thing on my mind having recently ended a 27 year relationship. I did fleetingly think that I could Write about the beginning which was I suppose the best part of my life.
I thought I would like to play a musical instrument and now I can’t even remember whether I chose the violin or the clarinet first.
My son wanted to play the violin so I found him a teacher and I went along with him. He soon became disillusioned and I took over the lessons. It must have been excruciating for the teacher. I couldn’t even tell whether I was in tune . She had a notice on her kitchen hatch which said ‘complaints to the cook may seriously damage your health’. I played so badly that I wonder that she didn’t write another label. ‘Playing out of tune could seriously damage your hearing.’ One week after I had practiced really hard I played the tune ‘Hundred Pipers’. She said, ‘That was really good now play it again and make it sound like music.’
Dec.8th 2009
After a few days of feeling exhausted and having cystitis I having been thinking about my life. What am I doing ? What are my aims? Where am I going? I am 69! That feels like a big milestone. I shall be 70 next year. Have I done all the things I wanted to do or should do/ what are my relationships with my family like?
My one passion continues to defeat me. The garden. I want to do so much there but I just don’t have the strength. I am continually complaining of lack of time and yet I spend hours watching TV. That is mainly because I am too tired to do anything else OR is that just an excuse. I don’t want to paint or write or play music anymore, why? I only feel inspired when I think about the garden. The Van Gogh Blues advises ‘ Make your own meaning’ and that has worked ‘til now. I have tried to book a cruise or a holiday in Portugal but do I want to go alone? The single supplement puts me off as well as thinking about packing alone. Why? It has never bothered me this much before.