Photos of the garden

I thought I should post photos of the garden which takes up so much of my time

The Garden

overall winner
Seems like the garden has won out on all the other activities. I have no time to write or paint and now Wandadoo has erased all my e-mails and my e-mail addresses. gardening keeps me sane whilst computering drives me mad. Is there a word to compute which does not mean doing sums?Last week I visited three exhibitions/gardens. now my head is reeling with ideas for the garden and paintings and sculptures.
Posted by Fleure Sauvage at 10:46 1 comments

Identity

I have been experimenting with pseudonymns. Twice before in mylife I changed my name.The first time was when I was at college. At that time I hated my first name so I swopped to my middle name and shortened it. After college I reverted because I returned to my home town and everyone continued to call me by my original name.When I started to write I hated both of my names so chose a new pseudonym completely.I liked the name but when my mail arrived bearing this chosen name I didn't recognise myself.I gradually let it drop.Now in cyberspace I have experimented with so many names I forget them and the passwords which go with them. I thoroughly enjoy making up these alter egos but forget to record them.Does this mean that I do not know who I am? Or just that I am trying to discover my real self?Will I ever grow into my given name? Do I want to? will I find a self with whom I am comfortable?
Posted by Fleure Sauvage at 07:37 0 comments

Blogs and computers can drive you to the edge

I now have 3 blogs. My first one http:/wildwomenwrite.blogspot.com which I can no longer log into for some reason. Then I set up this one and thought I was going well when I forgot the password. Next I set up yet a third just to yell into cyber space about google. Low and behold I found a note on the wall of my office with name and password for this blog.so now i am convinced of my downward fall into madness. But I still blame it on computers in general - Wanadoo, Microsoft and Google in particular.Will I ever get to writing about my life here and thoughts and feelings? Not to mention my novel. And what about all the paintings that are floating about in my head? I have to live to be 200 to get it all done? Did I mention the garden? No? Now see the grass is growing even as I type this and the weeds of course. When will I get around to the water feature I started to create and the found-wood sculpture area. The stone circle remains an idea in my head.Perhaps it is not cyberspace that is driving me insane. Perhaps it is head space or more precisely lack of head space.

Time Lack Of

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

busy,busy.busy
I feel like the White Rabbit. I am always in a hurry and no matter how many jobs I do there are always more at the end of the day than at the beginning. I should consider myself lucky that I am never bored. I am just greedy for time which is silly because we all have the same number of hours in a day and it remains constant. So I'm off to do job no. five on the list in my head which has ---let me see-- 100, a 1,000, no more like an infinite number on it. Still as my friend Pat used to say when you finish them all you die. Guess I'm going to live forever then!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Fleure Sauvage at 17:30 0 comments

Exercise

The exercise
I took the exercise from www.writespace.co.uk .Make a list of words using the letters of your first name and as the initial letters of each word.Use the words to write the first part of a story.Do the same thing with your second name and write the second half of the story.
Posted by Fleure Sauvage at 21:02 0 comments

Second part of exercise
But. There is always a but isn't there? Well this time I am going to ignore all the buts. The but that says ,'You are too old.' And the one that says, ' You haven't got that much money.'and 'You're afraid of flying.' All of them I'll get round them. Oh yeah and how will you get round your fear of needles?You'll have to have injections to go to almost any where in Africa.Keep at it girl. That's how you got where you are today by being tenacious. If you are going to get all emotional about it get angry. That is an emotion that you can use. Anger can be useful energy. Depression just pruduces inertia.Right then here we go. It's a bloody disgrace that all these children are being left without carers. We need to get help to them. In fact I can probably be more help from here than if I went out there in the heat. I would just get in the way.So find out which of the charities helps AIDS orphans and ask them what they need. Or better still finance someone who can go out there and help. What about raising money for just that. Or even financing a foster system of some kind. It is mandatory that you first of all finance someone to go on a fact finding mission. Then maybe you will have some answers. Who says there is no solution?
Posted by Fleure Sauvage at 20:40 0 comments

Old Blog

I have found two of my od blogs and I am going to copy and paste them into this because I felt as though I had lost part of myself and now I feel whole.

Old Blog

The following is an exercise from Vanda Inman's website.Are any of us really free? What is freedom? What do we mean when we talk about freedom? Do we mean freedom from hunger or violence or poverty or work or worry or even ----Years ago I escaped from a violent marriage and I worked for years to free myself from poverty in old age. Now the question is what do I do with this so called freedom?I even have time to choose how to spend my time each day. But am I happy? What do you think?I agonise about my comfort. I look at the rest of the war-torn world and feel guilty. Then I agonise about what I can do about it. Do I send money to good causes, do I offer to help in a charity shop, do I offer my services as a volunteer in an old peoples home, am I too old for voluntary work overseas? Haven't I earned a peaceful retirement? Too many questions and no answers.Then reality strikes and my past catches up with me. I get a phone call from the adoption organisation who have news of my son who was adopted 30 years ago. They tell me the good news first. They have found his parents (adoptive that is). Now sit down for the bad news.He died 11 years ago. he died from AIDS and yes he was gay.Well what are you going to do when you have stopped crying? The media tells us that the evidence coming from Africa is that it is getting worse and people are dieing for lack of drugs. Babies are being left without parents. Thousands of babies are being left with no-one to care for them. So here is your answer. Make a decision and do something about it. But what can I do?One person and we talk about Africa as if it is a tiny country. It's not a country. It is an enormous continent of fifty one countries. Where on earth do I begin?You can begin by collecting information from charities and organisations already in the field. Then perhaps you will find some one who perhaps can advise you.

My garden

Just to remind me of Summer.

Dreams

January 15th 2010
The Anti-Gun dream
I saw three people I knew I think, two women and a man. They were sitting in a semi circle all aiming their guns at something and there was an enemy over towards the left of me right of them They were smiling as though it was a good thing to do and they were happy.
They were definitely going to use the guns.
I decided that if I was anti gun then I must stop them. So I just walked slowly forward towards the woman to my right. The others all watched there was someone behind me whom I knew. A man. He was thinking that what I was doing was brave. I was thinking then why don’t you do it. I stared at the women in the eyes. I talked all the time I was slowly walking forward.
‘What are you doing? Are you mad? Do you think this will solve anything? It will just make things worse.’
She stared at me in disbelief. I took the gun from her. It looked like no gun I had ever seen before. I stupidly thought that it looked modern like a modern ornament or something.
I tuned towards the someone who was the enemy who was exiting a nearby barn. I walked towards him and I was going to try to take the gun from him. All the time I was talking. This is no good this is not the way to solve our problems. The first woman came after me. I turned on her . I shouted, “Keep back or I’ll shoot.2 I aimed at her feet but she kept coming. I shout again. But she kept coming.
I pulled the trigger and nothing happened. I pulled it three times. I realised that the gun was not loaded.
Suddenly a crowd of people appeared at the bus stop across the road. There was a woman in the middle of the crowd with her hand in her pocket as though holding a gun.
She was American.
Of course you need guns. Everybody in America has a gun. I looked at her in amazement.
“oh yes, “ I said, “And look at your country. Just tell me which particular problems carrying guns has solved”.
377

Later

I actually wrote the last post last year. Last week end I read 'Lovely Bones'. It made me realise that my writing was very lacking in many ways. I was both put off from writing again ever and inspired to improve my writing. So I am going to start writing seriously.

Thinking

Daily Babble
I can’t think of any any thing to say what HAS HAPPENED TO ALL MY IDEAS NOTHING AT ALL COMES TO MIND HOW FRUSTRATING WHEN I’VE YEARNED FOR FREE TIME TO WRITE AND PAINT AND NOW ALL I WANT TO DO IS TO GARDEN AND O F COURSE IT IS POURING WITH RAIN> and I have just typed all this in capitals but what can I write my mind is well and truly void.
So many stories are about love and that is the last thing on my mind having recently ended a 27 year relationship. I did fleetingly think that I could Write about the beginning which was I suppose the best part of my life.
I thought I would like to play a musical instrument and now I can’t even remember whether I chose the violin or the clarinet first.
My son wanted to play the violin so I found him a teacher and I went along with him. He soon became disillusioned and I took over the lessons. It must have been excruciating for the teacher. I couldn’t even tell whether I was in tune . She had a notice on her kitchen hatch which said ‘complaints to the cook may seriously damage your health’. I played so badly that I wonder that she didn’t write another label. ‘Playing out of tune could seriously damage your hearing.’ One week after I had practiced really hard I played the tune ‘Hundred Pipers’. She said, ‘That was really good now play it again and make it sound like music.’
Dec.8th 2009
After a few days of feeling exhausted and having cystitis I having been thinking about my life. What am I doing ? What are my aims? Where am I going? I am 69! That feels like a big milestone. I shall be 70 next year. Have I done all the things I wanted to do or should do/ what are my relationships with my family like?
My one passion continues to defeat me. The garden. I want to do so much there but I just don’t have the strength. I am continually complaining of lack of time and yet I spend hours watching TV. That is mainly because I am too tired to do anything else OR is that just an excuse. I don’t want to paint or write or play music anymore, why? I only feel inspired when I think about the garden. The Van Gogh Blues advises ‘ Make your own meaning’ and that has worked ‘til now. I have tried to book a cruise or a holiday in Portugal but do I want to go alone? The single supplement puts me off as well as thinking about packing alone. Why? It has never bothered me this much before.

The Rites of Spring

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjX3oAwv_Fs

Up Date

I have enjoyed playing around on my computer lately because I have discovered how to move photos around and also how to use memory sticks which are great. I have at last remembered how to access all my blogs. The problem is my life is so busy that I rarely have time to write on this blog.
I could list all the activities that I have undertaken.
Monday: Swimming
Wednesday: AGM at Ereac Breton Dance Class with Galettes de Roi
Friday: Breton dancing at Plumaugat
Saturday: Committee Meeting at Gomene for Jubbil
Sunday: cinema to see Coco Chanel & Ivor Stravinsky